An inner life is built brick by brick. All types of constructions are possible inside and they are dependent on our unspeakable needs – sometimes conscious or unconscious.
I had this idea that the bricks, with which I built my strong inner house, would help me to stand in any type of situation. With time, I realized that the walls I built had become too high and too thick and I couldn’t breathe. My construction was like a disease, it spread all over my body and mind and I became gray.
As time went by, I decided I had to start all over again. I erased the bricks and picked up lighter materials that would allow me to gaze the blue horizon. I built an inner house full of windows, thinking that I would never feel suffocated again. Unfortunately the glass I picked for my windows was too fragile and it was quickly broken when the wind blew stronger. Everything I had inside was severely destroyed and I became black.
During many years nothing was build inside my waste land. I needed to forget there were colours I could mix with gray and black to highlight my existence made of ashes.
Now I don’t want to build high walls or crystal clear windows. There’s no need of inner constructions since I understood that the best of them are to be enjoyed and lived at open space, feeling the wind, the sun and rain on my skin.
As in a painter’s palette, many decisions have to be taken, bearing in mind the colours I want to use and mix to reach my final purpose.
Once I was told I had to lose the fear to be able to find, on canvas, my own language. Growing older made me understand that the same was happening with my life. Fear was like an impasse I needed to overcome.
I’m ready now to express my own inner language and to paint my life with bright colours. I’m also aware it’s not easy at all, but it’s the only way that gives some sense to life.
Mabel Carrola, 2013